Giving

“When someone does something nice for you, you never ever forget it” ~ me

I suppose it is a play off the quote “People will forget the things you say, but not how you made them feel” by someone much more famous than I (forgive me, I don’t know offhand who that person is).

I have very distinct memories of all sorts of really great things people have done for me over the years (I distinctly remember the bad too, but try not to focus on those), and I still feel the love I felt at that moment when I think back on those really great things. I remember the Christmas tree my mom’s coworker gave us years ago because we would not have had one otherwise. I remember the people who were there when I needed support after the loss of a friend, the illness of a family member, the struggle to understand why life happens the way does. I remember the car rides when I was stranded along the side of the road, the unexpected gift of chips and salsa after running a marathon, those who helped me scrape paint, then repaint and replace windows, and roof my house as a young homeowner. I remember the people who stayed with me when I was scared- their presence a huge gift to me. I remember those who paid for a meal when I was down to my last $5, and helped after my daughter was born, cooked for me, let me nap, gave advice. The letters and cards that come at just the right time in the mail, provide encouragement, “a hug in an envelope”, so to speak. I remember those moments and savor those moments; they’re gifts- those memories. When I think of those people who gave those gifts, the really great things they’ve done often define them- a moment of generosity that gives a glimpse to who they are.

Giving is a very personal thing and when we decide to give, we cannot judge. We give because we want to give and we hope we are making a positive difference in someone else’s life. My hope is that the gesture we make or the assistance we provide gives the recipient the help they need and it is appreciated, and that someday they will pay it forward, but that is not always the case. And that has nothing to do with it. When you decide to give, you give because you want to. What happens after that is not up to the giver.

I stopped to pick up a list for our local Adopt A Family Program and left in tears. This was intended to be a rather quick errand: run in, get list, run out. And I am still trying to grasp what exactly happened in there except I was overcome with so much emotion. It wasn’t the nondescript office building where the temporary office is housed, nor did I come in contact with any other people than the two volunteers that were there. It just got me thinking…about those people that have helped me over the years. And about the people I have been able to help. And then I couldn’t stop crying…a mixture of happiness for those who have helped me when I needed it the most, and a happiness for being at a place in my life where I can give back, yet an overwhelming sense of sadness for those who need, not just this time of year, but always. And realizing that although people tend to be generous around the holidays, there are individuals and families that struggle all the time. A humbling emotion for the fact that we are all just one catastrophe away from struggling ourselves, be it a lost job, a terrible accident, natural disaster, a health concern, or any number of things that can turn our lives upside down in a minute. A hurtful emotion of those who judge others. I’ve felt the brunt of judgement my whole life and because of that, I try really hard not to judge others. We can all have opinions, but to make judgements based on our opinions is just plain wrong.

 I am just one person of many, trying to make the world a better place because I can. Because people have done that for me when I’ve struggled. And I will never forget that. I am willing to give my time to help others. I am willing to forgo that meal out to instead pay for someone else’s. I make a conscious choice to limit the number of gifts we buy for our daughter at Christmas to instead buy for those who would otherwise have no gifts at all. It is important to me to raise a daughter who values the needs of others, appreciates what she has and who realizes how lucky she is to have a loving family, a warm home, food and clothing. As parents we want to give our kids everything we can, but I think it is important to put perspective into their world as well. Because I struggled as much as I did as a young college student and homeowner, I have the perspective I do. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.

~Angela