I struggled with a title for this post just as I have struggled with my emotions in the last couple of months. After losing some dear family members this year, death has been a topic on our minds and has prompted some important conversations. Death, hard as it is, can be a beautiful thing. Losing people you care about is never easy. But in the midst of those last weeks, days or hours, we get glimpses into something we don’t often see otherwise, especially in those that are suffering. Peace. When someone has lived a long, full life and they are ready to go, it’s moving to see that acceptance.
I had the privilege (that word seems hypocritical, but I think it is the best choice here) of spending time with a dear friend just hours before she passed away. I vividly remember visiting Elizabeth in the hospital several years ago when she was in such pain. Her cries out were heartbreaking. Then she sat up in her hospital bed, a sense of calm washed over her and began reaching out with her arms, a hopeful look on her previously pained face. I knew then that she was reaching for Jesus. She was ready to go. With tears in my eyes, I called my mom and told her “Elizabeth is ready. I think she is dying” and went on to explain what I had just witnessed, one of the most powerful emotions I ever had at that point in my life.
My aunt/Godmother passed away last weekend after a month and a half struggle. There is peace for her and her family as she is no longer in pain, but heartache as well. She was young and this was not expected as she had routine surgery. I was able to visit with her a couple of weeks ago, when she was in a coma. My cousin and I spent time with her laughing, talking, combing her hair, holding her hand, reminder her that we are her favorite nieces (that conversation in my family never gets old). And she responded to us. She knew we were there. It was terribly sad as this is not the aunt I remember all my life, but we got glimpses into the aunt we remembered in her expressions and gestures. And when a nurse told us that was her last good day, I find peace that I was a part of that.
I began to realize the beauty in death when I removed my own selfishness. I would love for every single person that I care about to live forever. My family and my friends enrich my lives in so many wonderful ways that I don’t want to think about my life with any less people in it than there are right now. But I realize when someone is ready to die, they have made peace with their own life after this one and are suffering here with us, they are ready. Whether I am or not. I think of my husband’s great grandma who passed away about a year and a half ago. Her funeral was not sad. I still cried (of course, but I'm a crier), but she was so ready, if not eager, to move on as she had lived a full life; she had no regrets; she had faith, that it was hard to be sad for her. It was sad for me. I still find myself picking up a card to send to her, realizing that I can’t mail cards to heaven.
I worked at a funeral home my first year out of college so I’ve been around death and people that were dying a lot in those years of my early twenties. And although I’ve always valued those people in my life, I learned lessons from those experiences that shaped who I am today: someone who values those I care about. We make every effort to spend time with people we care about so we have memories with them, not just memories at their funerals. That has always been my motto and I have no regrets about this. I see too often people (family members even!) haven’t visited someone in years then show up at their funeral. I just don’t get that at all (and I need to remind myself that I am not in charge of how other people live their lives and everyone handle things differently). I like to make memories with those we care about while they’re here with us. So when that day comes that their life is not longer spent here on earth, I am able to look back and find peace with myself as well.
~Angela
